A MARRIAGE OF EQUALS
The
sudden gust of icy wind picked up the frail leaves, swirled them in a knee-high
column and tossed them back onto the ground against the fence. Honoria stared at
them. Tears sprang to her eyes, and she
blinked them away. Nature did to her own
what God did to his. She bit her lip and
crossed herself instantly. Even Job
didn’t curse God, and he had lost so much more than she. She shifted the young one to her other
shoulder and tried to close the ragged blanket tighter around the child’s
little body. Exhausted, she dropped her
other hand, the one that had been carrying the little one for the last mile, to
her side.
She
felt something cold on her hand, and looked down. Her young sister, Philomena, slipped her cold
bony fingers into Honoria’s hand. “When will we eat?” the little girl looked up
into her face. The look was reproachful,
sullen. Three, four days ago it had been
hopeful.
“Soon,”
she lied. “Soon.”
The
girl looked forward up the narrow dirt road that lay between the thick tangle
of skeletal trees. Honoria
glanced over her shoulders. The three
boys, (), was still following, several paces behind them, staring off to the
side of the road, his feet dragging.
“Come,
now,” she said. “It won’t be much
longer. We’ll be at Aunt () and Uncle
()’s home soon. They will come to the
door when we knock, and raise the lantern and say, ‘Why, who is it who comes to
our house so late?’ And we’ll say, ‘Why,
it’s us, the children of your sister, oh, aunt.
We have walked all this way, nearly a hundred miles over these ten days
to come to be with you as you asked.’
And they will say, ‘Oh, come in and sit ye down and eat your fill.’”
“And
what will they have?” The little hand squeezed her tired one.
“To
eat? Why, I should think mutton. Yes, a mutton shoulder.” She tried to sound cheerful, but it was like
the cry of a crow, and she was ashamed of the sharpness of the sound.
“And
bread. Loaves and loaves of bread?”
“Yes,” Honoria said.
“Bread. She will have baked and
there will be bread.”
“And
honey?”
“I
should think so, yes.”
Their
brother came up behind. He was a mere
twelve years old, but his face had changed so much in just the time since she
had died. He looked older, drawn, harsh.
“We
won’t live to get there,” he said bitterly.
“God has cursed us. He took them
both. Both of them. In a month’s time. We will die on the road, sisters,” he said
ominously.
“Brother,” Honoria
crossed herself again and kissed her fingers quickly. “How can you say such a thing? And in this god-forsaken place?
“What? The world?
The world?”
“Not
the world,” she crossed herself again.
Darkness was falling. Spirits
came out at this time. “God will protect
us.”
“Well,
he’s not done a very good job of it thus far,” her brother scoffed.
“I
should slap you,” she said bitterly.
“You must not blaspheme.” The
last red light was fading between the black trees and from the darkening grey
clouds overhead, a few small snowflakes danced in the air. They walked for a few more minutes until they
saw a glow from the woods and made for it.
It was
a campfire, and around it there were several people warming their hands.
“Hello,
good Christians,” Honoria said, coming slowly toward
the group. There were several women, a
number of men and a few children.
“Greetings,”
one of the older women said. She came
forward, still holding a little child in her arms. “Where do you come from?”
“From
(), to the south.”
“Ahhh. You’re a long
way from home. You look cold.”
“Aye,
we are,” Honoria said wearily.
“Well,
sit by the fire. We would give you
something to eat, but we’ve naught ourselves.
These are evil times.”
“Yes.”
“Where
are you headed?” Honoria
shifted the little one again. She was so
weak. She knelt down as near the fire as
she could. The other children crowded
around, trying to soak a little of the warmth into their bodies. Her hand tingled as she held it out toward
the unaccustomed warmth.
“To
(). To our aunt and uncle’s home. They have a small place there. He’s a cobbler there. Our…”
“()?”
“Yes. It should be fairly close here.”
The
woman shook her head. “You can’t go
there, my girl.”
“We
must,” Honoria said, taken a little aback.
“Ye
must not. There’s sickness come to
(). Near every man, woman, child
stricken down with it. Them that aren’t
sick will be soon enough. I don’t know
what they did to bring this on, but whatever it were, God is smitin’ them good.”
“Please,”
Honoria grasped at the woman’s gown. “Don’t say this. You are mistaken. Tell me…surely you are mistaken.”
“We’ve
come from near there. The word is very
bad.” The woman’s face softened. “I’m sorry, my girl. Are these yours?”
“They
are my brothers and sisters.”
“I’m
sorry,” the woman repeated. “I don’t
know what you’ll do with them. Drought
this past summer, third year in a row.
Sickness, war, famine. Why is God
doing this to us?”
Honoria closed her eyes and let her head fall back. When she opened them, she stared into the
canopy of branches overhead, interlocking, interwoven like the ceilings of a
cathedral she had been to when she was still a small girl. She remembered the gown she had worn, green
silk, over a pure white underkirtle, and embroidered
shoes, her perfect white whimple neatly in place over
her plaited hair. So long ago. Before things became so difficult. Before, before, before. She could not think of these things. She felt dizzy, nauseated and looked down
into the cackling fire.
“What will you do?” The second woman poked the
fire.
Honoria stroked the young one’s shawl wrapped cheek. “I don’t know,” she said flatly. “I don’t know.”
The woman peered into her
face. “You know, you’re pretty
enough. Come with us to (). You can make a fine bit of change, I’ll trow, on your looks alone.”
She nodded trying to sound cheerful.
Honoria
rose unsteadily.
“You’re
welcome to spend the night with us,” the first woman said. “We’ve nothing to eat, but you can stay the
night and then travel on with us to the city.”
She
wavered with indecision. Another night
with nothing to eat against the security of having others nearby. But who were these people that they would
suggest she throw away what shred of her honor and piety remained.
“We’ll
go on,” she said. “Surely there will be
others along the road. Perhaps we can find
something to eat.” She summoned her
strength to smile a little. “Thank you
for the news, and for letting us share your fire.”
“Please
yourself,” the older woman said, turning away.
“I’d far rather stay warm and travel with fellow Christians that brave
the night in the devil’s own woods alone.”
“Thank
you,” Honoria said, taking her sister by the
hand. “May God bless you.”
“And
you, my daughter,” the older woman said.
“Come, boys,” she said. They set off down the road. In a few minutes they came to the
crossroads. One sign pointed to (), the
place they were going to begin with. The
second pointed off to the west. She
sighed and trudged forward toward the western route. The boys were grumbling.
“Hush,”
she said sharply.
“It’s
the middle of the night, Honoria,” her brother
said. “Where will we sleep? What will we eat?”
“There
will be something. God will provide.”
“God
will do nothing for us. God has done
nothing for us,” he said angrily.
“Fie on
you,” she snapped. “Enough with your blasphemy. It had grown completely dark now, and she
regretted not staying with those people.
“Enough. Where are we going, Honoria?”
“I
don’t know.”
“What
will we eat when we get there?”
“I
don’t know that either,” she shouted and he glowered at her.
“I’m
not doing this anymore,” he said.
“Where
are you going?”
“I
don’t know. I’ll find something. I’m old enough to find my own way.”
“We
must stay together,” Honoria said quickly. “What do you mean?”
But he
turned and ran in the opposite direction.
“Wait,”
she cried. “Wait.” But it was too dark. She started to run after him, but her gown
tangled in her legs and she stopped just short of falling. “Wait.”
She cried his name over and over in the darkness, but there wasn’t an
answer. Her sister took her hand again.
“Oh,
now what will I do?” she cried. “What
will happen to him? What will happen to
us?”
They
moved off to the side of the road, tried to make a little pile of their things
and cuddle down as close as possible, the four children and Honoria,
to stay warm. “Where will he go?” she
wept, rocking back and forth. There was
so much evil in the world, so much loss.
There was a point where she couldn’t feel any more. “Tell a story, Philomena.” Philomena was forever making up stories,
strange stories about princesses and ghosts and pagans and spirits and maidens
escaping near death and falling madly in love with equally afflicted young
heroes. She had absorbed every snippet
of gossip that was to be had and wove it seamlessly into her stories so they
were a blend of reality and total fabrication.
But Philomena was exhausted, too hungry and too tired to speak. They stared at each other in the near dark
and Honoria yearned to reach out and wipe the line of
tears from Philomena’s cheek. But it was
pointless. There would be another, and
another, and her own cheeks were burning with tears in the freezing night.
She
opened her eyes to a grey morning, colder even than the night before. He was still not there. She sighed, sat for a moment wondering how
long she should wait. Slowly she
rose. “Come,” she said to the
others. “We have to go.”
“What
about our brother?”
“He
would have starved anyway,” she said bitterly.
“We have to go on.”
They
walked until nearly noon, when they came upon a small collection of huts. She threw herself against the door of the
first one. A woman peered out of the
wind hole and then opened the door.
“Good
Christian,” she said. “We have walked so
far, and have had nothing to eat for days except the end of a loaf of
bread. Can you give us anything?”
The
woman looked at them in silence for a minute, studying each one in turn, Honoria with the small child in her arms, and the three
others. “Come in,” she said suddenly,
quickly, extending her arm to them.
“Come in. You must be freezing.”
“Thank
you,” Honoria said, nearing tears again. The house
was full of the smell of food cooking and it nauseated her.
“Come,”
she motioned to the plank table and the benches sitting near it. “You sit.”
She brushed a cat from one of the benches. Where have you come from?”
Honoria sat and pushed cloak from her head and the whimple back from her hair.
It had been days since she had combed her hair, but she was past caring.
“Oh,
my. They look to be starving,” the woman
clucked at the children. She reached up
on the sideboard, next to a large green eyed cat and pulled down a loaf of
bread. She put it on the table and they
tore into it quickly. “Look at the poor
things.” She looked at the little one.
“That one wants milk. Have you
any left?”
“She is
my sister,” Honoria said simply.
“Well,
then you’ve not got any, I trow,” the woman
laughed. “Come,” she put her arms
out. “My youngest is two and still takes
the teat once in a while. I’ve enough
for this little one, too.” She took the
little one from Honoria’s lap and sat down with a
broad smile and put the little one to her breast. For a moment there was silence and then Honoria saw the little hand move and the sound of
sucking. Tears fell down her eyelashes
onto her cheeks.
“Goodness. You are a hungry little thing,” the woman
said warmly. “Now, you, girl. Eat.
Give them some of that,” the woman pointed to the pot on the fire. “There’s plenty where that came from.”
“How is
it you’ve managed to avoid all the evils that have befallen the rest of the
countryside?” Honoria asked slowly. “We hear everything is bad all over.”
“Well,
God has blessed us,” the woman said.
“For now. We’ve got all we need,
and he’s not seen fit to visit us with plague. We had a difficult time with the drought, ‘tis
true, but the Lord had blessed us with several good harvests in a row, and my
husband, bless him for a prudent man, always put enough back that we would not
want. We do not have everything, of
course, and I have to be frugal, but still, I can’t complain.” Honoria ladelled the soup into the wooden bowls and handed it
around to the children. She took some
for herself and ate quickly. In a few
minutes she felt sicker than she had even been in her hunger. She was on the verge of throwing up what she
had eaten, when the door opened and a man strode in, followed by a lanky boy.
“Aye,
wife, what’s this?” the large man said cheerfully.
“It’s a
poor girl, husband, from (), and her brothers and sisters. They’ve come from () to () to live with their
aunt and uncle, but they’re in () and dead or dying of plague.”
The man
crossed himself. The boy merely stared
from behind him. “Well, God bless you
and welcome,” the man said. “Lord,
woman, what’s that at your breast?”
She
laughed heartily and patted the little one’s back.
“I
swear to you, I leave this woman alone for half a day and she’s got a new dog
or cat or a houseful of children.” He came alongside her and squeezed her
arm. She smiled and he looked at the
side of the little one’s face.
“Not
very old,” he observed. He ladled out a
bowl and tore off a chunk from a second loaf of bread. The lanky boy did the same and they sat down
and ate heartily. “Well, you look
exhausted,” he said.
“Yes. We have been traveling over ten days now to
get to my aunt and uncles in ().”
“Too
bad about that.” The man crossed himself, shrugged and belched. “Too bad.
Well, what are you going to do now?”
“I
don’t know,” she said quickly. “I don’t
know what I can do.”
The woman
stood up, handed her the little one again and adjusted her tunic. “Well,” she said pushing her hair up under
her whimple. “You must find a place to settle and
something to do for money, of course.”
“Yes,”
she said slowly. In truth, she had not
thought of what to do beyond getting a meal for the day and a place to lay
down. “I only just learned last night of
what befell my aunt and uncle.”
“Well,
you must go to (). It is a great fine
city not thirty miles from here.” The
woman gestured off to the west. “You can
find some work there or a nice man who’ll marry you. But now, you must rest,” she began pulling
blankets and coverlets from a great chest and handing them around. “Come, come.
You children are exhausted.” She
motioned them to bed over in the corner.
“We’ll not be needing it for hours.
You rest.” She tucked the children under the covers and looked to Honoria.
“And
you, rest too. Tomorrow’s soon enough to
start out.” The woman bustled Honoria to a place by
the fire and settled her in with a blanket and bolster. “There now.
You sleep tight.” The woman
patted her shoulder and she curled her hand arount
the top of the blanket and held it tight against her. It was the first time in ten days that she
had been without the child in her arms, and it felt odd. The woman sat on a stool, rocked back and
forth and sang softly to the child at her breast. Her own little one had awakened from his nap
and sleepily leaned against her thigh.
“You
see? You were once this little, my
(). Can you believe that?”
He
leaned his head against her shoulder soberly and touched the little one’s
hair. The woman went back to singing
softly as Honoria closed her eyes.
**
When
several days had passed, Honoria felt more like
herself again. She made herself useful around the house, mending the clothing
that the woman hadn’t had time to see to, and hoeing the garden. The wife had five children of her own, and
cooked for not only her own but fed the men who labored with her husband as
well, and provided food for several of the poor of the neighboring village.
She was
always busy, always cheerful, though Honoria could
tell the woman was frequently exhausted.
“You
should rest more,” Honoria chided gently.
“Oh,
I’m fine. I don’t need rest.”
Honoria smiled.
“Well, all the same.”
“You
know, my girl,” the woman said. “You
look much better now than when you first came here.”
“Yes. Thank you.
You’ve taken good care of us. But
we should be going on.”
The
woman folded the sheet she had just taken from the line and smoothed it over
her arm against her belly. “Where will
you go?”
Honoria looked off into the dark grey and lowering
sky. “I’m not sure.”
“I’ll
tell you,” the woman smiled, puttint the sheet down
on the browned grass. “You should go to (). Thirty miles.
Find a nice man.”
Honoria laughed a little.
“And how would I do that? In rags
and with four children on my heels?” She
bit her lip at the memory. It should
have been five, but they’d seen nothing of their brother since he ran off in the
woods. Who knew what might become of
him. She looked over and saw Philomena with the others, her own siblings and
the children of the farm woman.
Philomena was gesturing dramatically, telling yet another story of
heroics and magnificent loves.
The woman
pulled another sheet from the line as Honoria plucked
down and quickly folded the towelling. It was freezing cold, but dry. She watched the woman’s red hands move
quickly. “Leave them with me.”
“What?”
“Leave
the little ones with me. You can come back
for them later.”
“You
have so many to care for.”
“Ach.” The woman scoffed. “Nonesense. What’s a few more. A little more water in the soup. We can manage. If you can sew you can get work as a
seamstress or an embroiderer or lace maker.
Then come back and get them.”
“Will
your husband mind?”
“He’s a
good Christian man. He knows your
need. Now, say nothing more about it.”
**
She could not stand to be parted
from them all. She gathered them
together and hugged and kissed them all.
“You be good, now,” she said. “I
will be back for you as soon as I can.”
They stared at her.
“Where are you going?” the youngest
boy asked.
“To find a new home for us. Don’t worry.
I’ll come back for you.”
She wrapped a shawl around her
head. The farm woman adjusted it on her
hair. “I wish I could give you more,”
she said.
“You’ve given us so much,” Honoria said. “Thank
you.”
“God will bless you, girl,” the
woman struggled to smile. “I know he
will.”
Honoria
picked up her pack. There was a noise
behind her. She turned to see Philomena,
dressed as warmly as their rags would allow.
“Philomena, whatever are you
doing?”
“I’m going with you, sister.”
“You can’t,” Honoria
sighed.
“I won’t let you go alone,”
Philomena said stoutly.
“You must stay here and look after
the others,” Honoria said.
“Our good lady should not have to
look after so many of us, and who will look after you?” Philomena
retorted.
“Philomena,” Honoria
sighed. “How…”
“Take the child,” the farm woman
said. “You will be better off with two
of you than one. Go on now. You’ve a long journey before you get back
here.”
They arrived in () by
nightfall. But there was nothing to be
had in the way of work and she quickly found herself as miserable as she had
been on the road before meeting the farmer and his wife.
“But
surely there must be something I can do,” she begged. “I can sew.
My stitches are…”
“Girl,
every maiden can ply a needle,” the woman of the shop said. “There’s not a shortage of likely girls for
that, and ones who have actually worked too.
The famine and disease have filled our shops.”
“Then
what am I to do?”
“I
don’t know, girl. I don’t know what I’m
going to do. Go to (). See if they have anything there. I’ve a cousin who went there some months ago
and settled in well.”
“Thank
you,” Honoria
bowed. (). It was another twenty miles away from the
farm and the children. Still, what
choice did she have? She walked
slowly. The winter was coming on
now. There would be nothing but misery
and hunger from now on and she would die on the road like a dog.
() was
a cheerful looking little town, with smoke rising from clay chimneys, and women
and boys crying wares in the street. But
there wasn’t any work there either.
People told her to go to other towns.
She set off, miserable.
They
trudged on, until she thought her feet would not carry her another step. They crested a hill and looked down into it’s
gnarled nest of trees. At the base of
the hill, there was a small stone building.
“Let’s
go down there,” her sister said. “Maybe
someone lives there who can give us something to eat.”
“There
should be light in the windows,” Honoria said. “If anyone was home.”
“Come,”
the little sister grasped her hand and pulled her forward. Without a path, they crunched through the dry
and frozen summer grasses. Honoria stopped.
“Sister,
this is a mausoleum.”
“A
what?
“It’s a grave for wealthy
people, a place of burial.”
“I
don’t care,” the little girl pouted.
“It’s a building. It must be warmer than being outside. We can go in and warm ourselves. Please, sister. I’m so cold.”
Honoria stopped at the metal door and crossed herself. “There may be spirits…”
“Honoria, please,” the little girl begged. Honoria grasped the
door and pulled on it. There was a chain
around it. Her sister brought a rock,
and she bashed it against the chain, over and over again. The chain stayed firm, and she was almost
relieved, terrified of what they might find inside.
“One more time, sister. Try one more time,” the little girl said.
Honoria, frustrated, struck the chain, and hit the lock
from the side. It sprang open. She stared at it for a moment and then took
the now warm lock into her hand.
“Hurry,
Honoria,” her sister said, reaching around to tug on
the door. “Let’s go in.” Honoria unwrapped
the chain from the door and pulled on the door.
It remained stationary. She
turned back to her sister.
“Pull
again.”
She
pulled but still nothing. The sister
looked down and pulled some of the dirt and grass that had grown up since the
door was last opened from underneath it.
They pulled again, and this time, it came open. The air that rushed out possessed a strange comingling of scents, something sweetish over something dry
and acrid smelling. They stepped inside
and Honoria had to admit it was warmer.
“Close
the door quickly,” her sister said, and they were in complete darkness. She wrapped her arms tightly around her
sister and squatted down next to the door, too terrified in the darkness to
move away from its safety. Her sister
soon stopped shivering and lay still in her arms.
“God,”
she thought. “What have you done? Why have you brought us here?” For a long time she turned the words over and
over in her mind until finally she drew her rosary from around her neck and
began praying.
When
she awoke, there was a thin line of light coming from under the door, and from
the chinks in the stone. It was
insufficient to see anything inside the chamber. She awoke her sister and pushed the door open
a few inches. Outside, the hillside was
covered with white frost that had made diamonds on the ground and silvered all the upright grasses. The sun was brilliant and for a moment, she
almost forgot the pressing pain in her stomach.
She
turned back. Her sister was burrowing
into something.
“What
are you doing?” she hisses, as if fearful the deceased would hear her.
“Look,”
her sister said. “Clothing. Jewelry.”
She held something up. “A
mirror.”
“Vanities,”
Honoria said.
She began the same prayer she had been praying the night before. “Oh, God, deliver us.”
She
looked back. There were a number of
people laid out in berths along the walls, and in rows along the floor. Maybe there were a dozen people, the oldest
looking of them merely skeletons in ancient looking robes. The most recent had still been dead for a
great many years.
“There
must have been a house or a villa near here at one time,” Honoria
said. She came to where her sister was,
at the feet of a well dressed woman in a white robe. But there were several gowns and jewelry in a
neat pile. It was all of excellent
quality. Whoever had laid these things
out had spared nothing in the way of details.
The underkirtles were white silk, as was the whimple and the chin strap was done with fine
embroidery. The gown was a pale green,
cut in the old fashioned manner but only in the details. So the shoulders weren’t structured but she
would wear a cloak over them, and who would notice such an insignificant
detail? The jewelry was mostly of beaten
gold with intricate borders of flowers and interlocking geometric designs.
“Try it
on,” her sister said.
“Not
I,” Honoria said briefly. “Wear the clothing of a dead heathen woman?”
“Honoria, please.”
Honoria looked at the gown and then down at her own ragged
one. “Yes,” she said. “Perhaps God has ordained this. He led us here, didn’t he? And opened the place for us.”
“Yes,”
the girl said eagerly. “So he must have
wanted us to have these things.”
They
dressed quickly, put on some of the jewelry and then made a bundle of the rest
of it. “You look like a princess,” the
little sister said.
“And
you as well.” Honoria smiled. The clothing felt odd on her body, somehow
disgusting, and yet at the same time, it was heavy and warm.
They
set out again, closing the door and wrapping the chain around it as carefully
as possible. They walked in silence for
a while.
“We
need food,” the little girl said. “We
can sell some of these baubles in the next town.”
“Maybe,”
Honoria said. “But how do we explain where we got
them?”
“I
don’t know,” her sister said.
The
opportunity to know presented itself soon enough. They entered the next town with a
considerable degree of apprehension. But
hunger is a great motivator and they made their way to the little inn just off
the square.
They
entered quietly and the innkeeper greeted them.
“My ladies,” he said sweeping a bow.
“What can I get for you this evening?”
Honoria smiled at him.
“We are quite hungry. Are you a
Christian?”
“Indeed,
lady. Most folk are in these parts, ever
since St. () came into these parts some forty years past. There are still some pagan sites, ‘tis
true. But they shan’t be a bother to a
good Christian lady like yourself. Stay
away from the old temple of Venus, though.
They’s still strange goings on there from time
to time they say.”
Honoria nodded.
“Then, if you will, bring my sister and I something to eat. But I must tell you, I haven’t money to pay
you.”
“Oh?”
“But I
will give you this for a night’s lodging and meals through tomorrow.” She pulled out a small gold ring and showed
it to him. He turned it over in his
hands and held it to the candle light, then bit it. He examined again, and whistled low.
“My
lady, do you not know anything of the value of things?”
Honoria looked down at her hands. “I have more, if you should want it.”
He
laughed and motioned for his wife to bring food and seated himself across from Honoria. “Now,
maiden, I don’t know where you’ve come from, or how much food and lodging costs
there, but you are offering me as much as I should have to pay for an entire
cow for one night’s lodging. You could
stay here a week, a fortnight for that.”
She
looked at the little ring with wonder.
He
narrowed his eyes at her. “How have you
come to be in this place, just you two girls alone?”
“I…we…”
Honoria picked up the spoon and quickly began
eating. Her sister was pulling bits from
the bread and devouring them quickly.
“We are travelling from () to (), my sister
and I.”
He
crossed his great arms on the table and leaned his chin on them. “Why?”
“Why?” She smiled weakly. “Because we have kinsmen in ().”
He
nodded. The door swung open and a group
of men bustled in the door. “Shut it,
shut it,” he bellowed. “It’s colder
than…” He looked at the two girls. “Never mind, just shut the damned door.” He smiled at them. “Pardon, ladies.” He bowed and Honoria
returned the bow. “You were telling me
how you came to be here. Did you bring
horses or come by coach?”
Honoria looked at her sister. She hadn’t any answers. Her sister set down her spoon and
smiled. “Well,” she said. “My sister has lost her husband. So sad.
He was so young, so handsome.” Honoria looked over at her sister. Her eyes were shining. The innkeeper’s wife had come over and stood
behind his shoulder, holding a trencher of stew.
“You
don’t say?”
“Yes,
it was so sad. She can’t even speak of
him,” Philomena sighed. “Not without
bursting into tears, even after so many days without him.”
“Ohhhh,” the innkeeper’s wife cooed. “So sad.”
“Yes,”
Philomena continued. “He was a young
noble man, who had gone away to the wars so far south of his home, and he was
injured there, and lost his fortune trying to redeem his fellows who had been
taken prisoner by pagans.”
“He
lost everything?”
“Well,
almost, and then he started back, with only one squire and nothing more and he
came to out town, unable to go on. He
collapsed near the old fountain, and my sister found him, and brought him home
and nursed him tenderly.”
“Ohhhh,” the woman said gently. “Was he very badly off?”
Honoria, dumbfounded nodded. “Well, they fell deeply and passionately in
love,” Philomena continued quickly. “And
were married…”
“But he
died?” the man volunteered sympathetically.
“Ohhh, not yet. They
were together and very happy for months and then he went out riding after a
boar and fell from his horse. They bore
him back home and he had only enough time to kiss my poor sister’s fingertips
and tell her to go to his people in () before he breathed his last.”
“Ohhh,” the woman wiped tears from her shining round
cheeks. “Ohhh,
you poor dear.” She poured more wine
into Honoria’s glass and weakened it with water.
“Yes,
it was. So we left our family and home,
our security and love and to honor his last request and go to his people. We set out with horses and servants. But we were beset upon south of here a few
days ago by a band of pagans.”
“Ohh, really?”
“Yes,
who, because of our love of God, slew all we traveled with and took our horses
and left us with only these things and this one ring,” She held it up.
“Oh,
that’s terrible,” the man said.
“Yes,
but my brave sister said, ‘We cannot go back home. We must go on to my husband’s people, since I
made a solemn vow to them.”
“Gracious. What was your husband’s name, my dear?”
Honoria opened her mouth.
She didn’t know what she would say.
“Guy. Guy of ().”
The
couple sat back. “Why, yes,” the man
said. “I believe I’ve heard of
him.” He nodded enthusiastically and
looked up over his shoulder at his wife.
She put her hand on his shoulder and nodded a little.
“I
believe so,” she said.
“Yes,
yes,” the man said eagerly. “Well,
you’re going to them?”
“Yes,” Honoria said faintly.
Lying did not come easily to her.
“They
are a fine house. Yes. Well, come, you must be exhausted. Wife, show them to the finest room in the
house.”
“Just a
moment,” she curtseied. “I’ll see if it’s free.” She trotted off toward the narrow stairs and
up into the loft.
“Wonderful
woman,” he said as if delivering himself of a confidence. “Just wonderful. Sees to everything.”
There
were sounds from upstairs, footfalls overhead and then angry voices and the
sounds of rustling and banging. There
were more footfalls and then the sound of a number of people hurrying down the
stairs, the wife shooing them ahead of her as if they were chickens. “But we’ve paid for our lodgings through
tomorrow….” The man pleaded.
“Oh,
get along with you,” the wife chided.
“Enough whining. Go on. Out.”
“Wonderful
woman,” the man beamed.
She
came back to the table and curtsied again.
“Your room is ready, ladies. Will you come this way?”
Dumbfounded,
the two girls rose and followed the innkeeper’s wife up the narrow stairs. She swung the door open and they stooped to
enter. The ceiling inside the room was a
little taller, but it was still not much over their heads. “I’ll get you clean linens in a moment. You make yourself comfortable,” the woman
bustled, tearing the sheet up off the pile of hay and straw that lay on the
floor. She smiled still nodding and backed
out of the room, closing the door behind her.
Honoria whirled on Philomena. “Where did you come up with such a tale?” she
said reaching out as if to pull Philomena’s hair. Philomena drew back quickly to avoid Honoria’s hand.
“I
don’t know. I just open my mouth and
these things come out.” She
grinned. “It was a great story, wasn’t
it?”
“Oh, a
fine one. Who is that man, the one you
named?” Honoria went to the tiny windhole
and pushed the board from in front of it.
A breeze flowed into the stuffy room like a cool spring meeting a
greater stream.
“I
don’t know. Maybe I heard the name
somewhere. Maybe I made it up. I don’t know.
I hear things and remember them.
Then they show up in stories.”
Philomena put her hands on the sill and thrust her head out of the windhole. She sucked
her breath in and held it. Turning back
to Honoria, she let it out in a gasp. “Well, we’re here, aren’t we? We’ve got a room and a meal. What more do you want?”
“We’ll
be done up for sure as thieves.” Honoria whispered
quickly.
“But
we’ll be full ones,” Philomena said.
“What
of our souls?” Honoria whispered. “What of the sin of lying?”
Philomena
turned from the windhole and smiled sweetly. “Why, sister, in a choice between two sins,
is in not better to commit the lesser on?”
“Well,
yes,” Honoria said quickly. “I should think so.”
“Then
consider this. If we don’t die, we’ll
starve. And if we starve when there was
a way not to that’s almost the same as doing oneself in by one’s own hand,
isn’t it? So if it’s a choice between
lying to live and committing suicide, is it not preferable in the eyes of God
to lie?”
Honoria heard the woman returning with the sheets. "You, Philomena,” she hissed. “You are too clever for your own good.”
**
They
found that they were welcome nearly everywhere as time went on. The innkeeper, knowing () in the far north to
be their ultimate destination, gave them the names of his cousins in some of
the intervening towns, and had the village priest write letters that included introductions
to the relatives, and lavish praise. He
also lent them the use of his cart and his somewhat dull son as a coachman in
order that they might reach the next town in relative comfort and with good
speed.
But it
wasn’t only the innkeeper’s relatives who welcomed them. The innkeeper’s relatives’ friends were also
quick to make appearances. They never
dined alone and were always in the company of others. In fact, as time went on and they wended
their way toward (), the company they kept improved considerably. Everyone, of course, was desirous of putting
themselves on the best footing with the ()’s.
It
didn’t take long for Honoria to find herself equally
as enthusiastic as Philomena about the story.
It was a fine story, with as much truth in it as it could possibly
hold. The home they grew up in was just
like the home they grew up in, and their kinsman in the fabrication, just the
same. It was only the presence of this
windfall, this wounded Lord who came and wooed and died, that was a lie, and
even so, he came to take on the attributes of the best men they had ever seen
or heard of, and so, at length, even he seemed real.
‘What
was his name?” A shining faced lacemaker asked.
“Guy of
(),” Philomena said, and Honoria, so affected by
hearing his name, felt a tear slip down her cheek. “Oh, my poor sister.” Philomena leaned toward her. “Every day, the same sadness.”
“You
loved him a great deal,” the older woman shook her head.
“I
did,” Honoria lowered her eyes modestly.
“I know
what it is to lose a goodly man,” the woman said. “Come, milady, you must stay with us tonight
in my house.”
“I can
pay you only a little for your hospitality,” Honoria
said, holding out a few coins in the palm of her hand. People had been very generous with loans in
the hopes of repayment by the grand ()’s.
The
woman scoffed. “Ah, milady. I couldn’t take anything for giving you a bed
and food. Only remember me kindly when
you come to your great fine house and you are enjoying your grand meals and
fine clothing again.”
Honoria nodded. “I
will.” So it went everywhere. Their clothing and accoutrements had
increased dramatically. People seemed to
enjoy giving them things. “Oh,” one
woman had clucked. “Such a shabby cloak
you have. If you’re going to see your
fine inlaws you should have better so they don’t
think you just an unseemly peasant girl.”
And so Honoria had a new cloak. There was a haircomb
from a woman in (), a tiny vial of scented oil from another in (), more
substantial shoes from a cobbler in (), and a great many other trinkets from
people who begged to be rememered to Honoria’s esteemed relations. Honoria lay in bed
beside Philomena that night and plucked at her arm until the younger girl
awoke.
“What
is it?” Philomena flipped her braid away from her face.
“Have
you thought about what happens when we get to ()?”
“()?”
Philomena snorted.
“Yes. Where the ()’s live.”
“Perhaps
we could start back south with a different name and a different story, and a
different husband.”
“We
would have to go by a different route.”
Philomena
shrugged. “I’m sure there’s something we
can figure out but not a this hour.”
In the
morning, they came to break fast with the woman and her children. While they were eating, there was a knock on
the door and the woman let in a modestly clothed and serious looking man.
“You
have a woman staying here by the name of Honoria?” he
asked.
The
woman curtseyed a bit. “Yes, your
lordship.”
“I’m
not a lordship,” he scoffed. “I’m his
lordship’s lackey. Where be the woman?”
Honoria and Philomena sat absolutely still. Dread was rising in Honoria’s
throat. The lace maker motioned toward the table.
“Lady Honoria ()?” the man said, striding over to her.
“Yes,”
she said faintly. She glanced at the
very white Philomena.
“Come
with me, please. And your sister, too.”
They
rose, barely able to breathe.
“What
is it, good sir?”
“I’m to
take you to Lord ().”
“Lord
()?”
“Yes.”
“He’s
here?”
“He’s
in ().” He looked at the woman sharply.
“Get their things. They’ll not be
returning here.”
Philomena
slipped her hand into Honoria’s. They stood together tightly, near the
door. Honoria’s
stomach churned. Everything she had
eaten in the weeks seemed bitter now.
They were finished. She turned
toward Philomena, but Philomena, anticipating her reaction, dug her fingers
into Honoria’s arm.
Honoria smiled a little at the man.
“Is it
a long ride?” she said gently.
“Not
long, milady,” he said. “I have brought
horses for you and your sister that are both small and gentle. I trust the journey will not be uncomfortable
for you.”
Honoria smiled. Her
first flush of fear was gone. He was
deferential to her, as if she was a real lady.
Perhaps things would not go so badly after all. The woman of the house, having packed their
belongings, brought them down and the man nodded sharply to her, put a coin in
her hand and strode to the door, standing alert. Honoria smiled to
their hostess, embraced her and blessed her for a good Christian woman. Philomena followed and they went out into the
morning sun.
The
ride was fairly uneventful. The man was
not particularly talkative, for which she was quite grateful. But then, if he was a servant, and she the
wife of a beloved son of that house, he shouldn’t have addressed himself to her
familiarly.
“Are we
going to ()?”
“To
(),” he answered briefly. “My lord, (),
sent me to fetch you.”
Honoria looked at Philomena. Escape would be impossible. He was on a much larger horse than either of
them.
They
followed, Philomena staring in to the man’s back and Honoria
fingering her beads and praying as fast as her mind could carry her through the
words. The ride seemed mercilessly
short. They were conveyed into a good
solid looking house. A boy took their
horses and the two girls stood close to each other silently, holding each
other’s hands in the tangle of capes.
“This
way,” the man said. They followed silently, into the house and up the stairs to
a room that overlooked the street. “Wait
here,” he said.
Horatia covered her face with her hands and blew her breath
out like a weary horse. “Oh, Philomena,”
she breathed.
“Shhhh.”
They
heard the heavy tread of men and the door swung open. A man entered, with a number other men at his
heels. He was large, but not overly so,
and very well dressed. He wore a sword
at his side that rivaled any she had ever seen, and certainly ever been this
close to.
“So,”
he said definitively. “You are travelling to…”
“To (),
good sir,” Honoria said timidly.
“Yes. So I’ve heard. My information is that you
seek the house of (). That you are the
grieving bride of the late ().”
“Yes,
sir,” she said weakly.
“Come
now, answer up,” he said brusquely, gesturing at the company of men. “These men all wish to hear your words as
much as I do. For they share the same
allegiance to the house of () that I enjoy.”
Honoria dropped her gaze to the floor and then looked up
into his face. He was a pleasant enough
looking man, well fed, and well bred.
“Yes, milord.” They would swing
for certain.
His
smile was slow, disengenuous. “We had, of course, learned of his death
through dispatches a few months ago, but not of a wife.” He came closer and studied her face. “I wonder why you weren’t mentioned,” he
mused.
She bit
her lip a little.
“’Twas
an honest marriage?” he asked.
“Yes,
milord,” she said.
“Ah. And well consummated.”
“Yes,
milord.” She kept her gaze firmly on the
ground.
“You
were not raised to this sort of thing were you.
You’re a simple girl, a country girl.”
“Yes,
milord,” she said quietly.
“Little
education, except in the pious and domestic arts, I’m sure.”
“Yes,
milord.” She felt the nails of
Philomena’s fingers against the palm of her hand. She felt as if everything was suddenly very
large and she quite small. She closed
her eyes and when she opened them, he was staring at her again, his head a
little to the side.
“Are
you unwell, lady?” he asked quietly.
“I am
quite well, thank you,” she answered weakly.
“Ah. You’re journey has tired both you and your
pretty sister. This is your sister,
isn’t it?”
“Yes,
Milord.”
He
nodded. He turned to one of the old
women who was crowding into the room.
“Take our two guests,” he pronouned the word
carefully. “To a nice room, and settle
them there. I will talk to you later,
when you are more rested. In the
meantime,” he pointed to another woman.
“You see that they want for nothing.
Give them something to eat now and let them rest until dinner.”
They
curtseyed a little, and he swept out without looking at them again. They were taken to a room and fussed
over. “Is this his house?” Honoria asked the woman.
“Lands,
this is the house of Goodman (). Lord ()
is a guest here, though what a guest.”
She leaned close and whispered.
‘He runs the town, I’d say.
Everyone running about after him, trying to curry his favor, trying to get what they can of ‘im. Pitiful to see people debase themselves in the hopes of
getting to the fine folk, isn’t it?”
She
nodded quickly. The woman busied herself
with a thousand little useless tasks trying to converse with the girls about
anything before finally bowing out.
They
laid down together on the soft straw stuffed bed and pulled a counterpane over
themselves. “What are we to do?”
Philomena asked.
“I
don’t know.”
“We
should throw ourselves on his mercy, sister,” the younger girl said. “I don’t know how we will survive this.”
“Nor
I. But say nothing yet. Follow my lead. I will say that you are not my sister, and
that I found you in the first town I was in.”
“Not my
sister? But we are much alike in the
face.”
Honoria fumbled for Philomena’s hand under the
counterpane. “Then you are my
cousin. But that you have nothing to do
with this.”
Philomena
put her cheek beside Honoria’s. “What life would it be for me if you were to
hang and I was to live?”
“It
would be life, Philomena,” Honoria said sadly. “It would be life.”
They
lay together in silence, the first time they had been truly warm in weeks,
lying on a bed finer than any they had every been in before, in a room far more
sumptuous than any they had dreamed of.
“God’s plan is beyond our understanding,” Honoria
said finally. “Has he brought us so far
up to drop us so far?”
“At the
end of a knotted noose?” Philomena said bitterly, and Honoria
swiftly crossed herself. Honoria shuttered, and, nauseated, turned onto her side.
There
was a soft scratching at the door, and they both sat up. A woman entered. “I will ready you for dinner,” she said,
putting down a bundle of linen on the table.
She was a portly woman, her hands red and cheeks red. They changed clothes into the new and fresh
ones, and she brushed their hair out, plaited it and covered it with whimples of fine linen.
Honoria pinned her chin strap tightly and the
sisters regarded each other.
“You’re
very pretty at that,” the woman nodded.
“Come, dinner will be ready.”
They
followed her to the dining hall, a cozy, candlelit room in the center of the
house. It was a little smoky. At the end of the table, sat the man. He rose, and nodded to them. They curtseyed and he gestured to a place on
his right hand. Honoria
slipped quietly into the seat and her sister beside her.
He
watched her for a long time as she stared at her hands. “Tell me,” he said at last. “What did you say your name was?”
“Honoria is my Christian name,” she said quietly.
“Honoria.” He
smiled. “A beautiful name. What did you call my brother?” He speared a
piece of meat and brought it to his mouth.
“Your
brother?” she said. He motioned for a
boy to fill her plate.
“My
brother,” he took a great draught of wine from a tall glass. “Yes.
I didn’t tell you before? I am
(), and your husband was my brother. How
long were married? Upon what date did
you marry?”
“It was
Lammas Day.” She said faintly.
“Lammas
Day,” he took another bite and leaned back in his chair, taking a deep breath
in delight. “Excellent meat, my good
host.”
The
mousy man nodded politely. “I’m glad it
pleases your grace.”
“It
does indeed. Lammas Day. Right after the
harvest.”
She
strained her mind thinking of last Lammas Day, when they took loaves of freshly
baked bread to the priest in lieu of the first fruits of the harvest, as people
had done since time before time. If only
it was true. If only it was true.
“And he
died…’
“In
mid-September, sir,” she answered, sickened.
“Not a
very long marriage,” he said, sadly. “So
what did you call him?”
‘I
called him…” Damn. Damn Philomena. Struck with the sudden horror of what she had
said, she mentally crossed herself. What
was the man’s name? She looked at her
trencher. “I called him, ‘my husband’,
of course.”
The
smile on his face was slow and somehow superior. He wiped his mouth with a cloth.
“Ahhh. He was quite
recovered, then, when you married him?”
She bit
her lip again.
“You
haven’t much of an appetite, sister,” he said precisely.
“Talking
of him makes me sad,” she said quickly.
“I cannot think of food and him at the same time.”
He
raised his eyebrows. “Really.”
“Yes,
milord.”
“Milord. Nonsense.
I am your brother, am I not?"
“Yes,
milord.”
“So, was
he well?”
“Yes,
milord, he was recovered.”
“Completely?”
“I
believe so.”
“Then I
wonder that he didn’t send us word…”
“I…”
“You?” He leaned forward, his glass suspended
between his fingers. “Yes? What about you?”
“I
haven’t an answer for that,” she said.
“I do not know what he had in mind.”
“He
talked of us? He told you of me?”
“I knew
that he had…he spoke little.”
“And
yet, speaking little, you and he managed to fall in love and wed without the
approval of any of his great house?”
“He was
a man, milord. He knew his own
mind. I am but a woman. I cannot know his mind.” She knotted her
fingers in her lap, and prayed for the ordeal to end soon.
“You
cannot be insensitive, my sister,” he said delicately. “That there are those here who have
pronounced you a complete fraud.”
Her
eyelids fluttered a little, and she felt Philomena go stiff next to her.
“There
are many who disbelieve a great many things.
We have a saint at home, St. Eus…”
“Enough
with your saints,” he said sharply. “I
didn’t call you hear to speak to me of saints, but to explain yourself and your
story. You expect to go to our
traditional home, to insert yourself into my line without so much as a how do
you do, and be accepted, feted, fed, and put to bed, to rise and set with our
suns, do you not?”
She
gasped a little. She could feel the eyes
of the assembly on her. “Do you not?” he
repeated.
“Milord. He told me to go to (). I set out for that place. I have not yet arrived. If you are averse to my placing myself in that
locale, I will certainly return to my home.
It was not my idea to come here, but his desire.” She felt a hot tear roll from her eye to her
lashes and lie suspended there like a raindrop on the end of a bowed twig. She could not bring her hand up to wipe it
away for fear he would know she was crying.
“You
cannot tell me his name. You cannot tell
me a name by which he would call himself among those closest to him. You cannot tell me about his home or those
closest to him. Do you expect me to
believe he would not have mentioned me, his own brother?”
“Milord,”
she turned her tear streaked face to him.
“I cannot answer that.”
He
asked her a great many questions. Why
wasn’t she in mourning? She had been,
she said, but the rigors of the road had worn her garments and the people had
provided her with other ones. Did she
not have as much as a lock of his hair?
She did, but she had lost it when their goods had been swept away when
she slipped going over a fast running stream.
He threw question after question at her.
She gave answers that were quick, general, vague. He had a slow, methodical manner about him
that unnerved her, yet he never seemed to be pressing, only circling slowly,
head down, like a wolf. He could afford
to be patient.
“Then I
have one more question,” he asked in a harsh tone. “Tell me about his person. Were there any marks upon his body? Everyone knows that members of my line have a
mark upon their breast. Did he have such
a mark?”
“In
truth, sir, he may have but…”
‘You don’t
remember?”
“I…”
“Are
you going to tell me that in all that time you didn’t see him without a
tunic? That you could not see such a
mark? Tell me its shape.”
She
turned her head. “Good milord, I can
remember nothing of a mark. Perhaps the
man I knew was not honest. Perhaps he
was not the man I thought he was and I have erred.”
He sat
back. He took a deep breath while she
sat quivering with sobs. He leaned
forward and took her hand. She was
reluctant to let him draw it toward himself but did. He kissed her fingertips gently.
“Quiet
yourself, dear sister,” he said. “My
brother hadn’t a mark on his breast.” He
rose and pulled her gently up beside him.
“Gentlemen,” he said. “I am
convinced she is an honest woman. I have
asked her questions that a lesser woman would have fabricated tale after tale
to answer. Yet she has answered simply
and honestly.”
The
entire assembly relaxed as if one body.
She looked up into his face and for a moment, their eyes locked. He smiled slowly. He was not as young as he might have
been. There were tiny lines beside his
eyes, but his face was still good. If he
was so handsome, surely his brother must have been as well, and she felt a new
pang of grief.
Dinner
proceeded apace, then, and the conversation was light and cheerful. She glanced at Philomena who could barely
suppress her relief.
They
spent the night, then a week, then a fortnight at the home of the burgher. () was courteous to her, slow and precise in
his behavior and yet, somehow always managing to exhibit a certain excellent
humor. He spoke often of returning to
the ancestral home soon. Dates for
departure were set, and yet, somehow things persisted in arising that thwarted
his plans. He would storm and rage, and
then settle back into the routine of life at the village, which he alternately
praised and derided.
For her
part, Honoria was never completely comfortable. The ladies of the village were nothing short
of perfectly hospitable to her and she soon had almost constant company from
them. They sat together in the morning
and stitched on fine linen with silk thread.
Everyone understood that she had been a virtuous peasant girl who had
managed a love match with the lord, and taught her ladylike skills as quickly
as possible. Philomena too, was treated
with great respect and affection by everyone.
In
truth, () had a great many things to recommend him. He was charming, handsome, perfectly
mannered, fearsome in anger but somehow even that was a comfort. He would be their great defender. But she harbored a fear in the back of her
mind that it would all go awry with one false step. Still, there couldn’t be any doubt that her
pulse quickened when she heard his tread or when she caught sight of him in the
yard below. One afternoon, he and his
companions clattered into the cobblestoned yard and
she, as was her custom, rose from her chair and looked out the window. The others dismounted, but he, still astride,
looked up to her window, and their glances met.
A smile flickered on his lips, and she knew, somehow, that he had
feelings for her warmer than those of a proper brother. Their conversations seemed deeper now, more
intense and he stood entirely too near her and she was entirely too reluctant
to step back.
“Oh,
Philomena,” she cried. “Oh, sister,
whatever am I to do? We are all undone.”
“Why?”
Philomena held her until she quieted.
“I feel
something for him that I ought not,” she said.
“Well,
you ought not if you were his brother’s wife, yes. But you are not and never were, so there
isn’t any sin in that.”
“But I
desire him,” she said. “I love him.”
“You
may love, and love deeply,” Philomena whispered. “But keep your own counsel or tell only
me. We are undone if you should give
your feeling voice to him.”
“I
think he feels the same.”
“A man
might sin in his thoughts. But you must
not encourage either his sin or your own.
Women must be strong when men fail.”
“Oh,
but Philomena,” she moaned. “I want to
fail. I want with him what I have told
so many people I had with his brother.
If only…if only we had met under different circumstances…”
“He
would not have looked twice at you, sister.”
Still,
as the days went on, she knew a burning that she had never felt before. The world had suddenly become devoid or
anyone but him. He was the only living
being in it. All the others were
puppets, clay dolls, nothing but things that intervened betwixt herself and
him. Food lost its taste, and when she
laid down, she merely felt sick.
He for
his part, seemed pale though pleasant. They gazed at each other at dinner, in church,
across the garden. She blushed at some
of his looks, but their commerce had ceased to be easy or light. He avoided her at times, and at others seemed
too present.
She lay
in bed, sleepless, beside the peaceful Philomena. It was true, he wasn’t a brother to her, and
yet to admit that would be to exchange his weary, yearning looks for something
far worse, his anger and censure. They
would be at risk again, of death.
Fretful, she threw off the counterpane, wrapped a coverlet around her
shoulders and walked went out into the icy garden. Her feet were bare, but in her feverish
state, the cold stones comforted them.
She stood shivering for a moment and then turned back toward the
house. He was there, suddenly. How long he had stood there, she could not
guess.
“Pardon,”
she whispered. “Did I disturb you?”
“Completely,”
he said. “Disturbed and disordered.”
“How
so, good Sir?”
She
passed beside him and he turned and followed her. He took her hand quickly and led her into his
chamber.
“Sir,”
she whispered. “Brother.”
He
pushed the coverlet back over her shoulders and looked at her. She closed her arms over her chest. He did not move to touch her, holding the
coverlet behind her, but only looked at
her with a combination of sorrow and boldness that made her blush. He sat down, then, on the edge of the bed,
letting the coverlet drop to the small of her back.
“You
should be my lady,” he said finally, softly.
He drew the coverlet tight against her, drawing her by small increments
between his knees.
“Oh,
milord,” she whispered, her blood pulsing through her body. It pounded quickly as if she had been
running. “I should not…”
“Yes. You should not…” he looked up into her
face. “You should not tempt me.”
“In
faith, milord, I do naught to tempt you.”
“You do
all to tempt me.”
“Milord,
I know nothing of the arts of
dissembling, of artiface.”
“You,
my beauty, haven’t need for artiface. But you tempt me constantly. From the way you speak and the way your eyes
shine, to the way you reach to pick up a flower or touch a child’s face.”
“I
swear to you, sir, it was not my intention.”
“You
want my touch,” he said quietly. “I can
read it in your face, in your smile, in your quivering and your blushing.”
“You
can see nothing in my face, now, milord,” she said, drawing back a little. “It is night, the candles are burned down and
we are in near darkness. If I blush,
it’s the play of the last candleflames. If I
quiver, it is because of the cold.”
He
dropped the coverlet and replaced it with his hands. He let them slip from the small of her back
to her buttocks. She closed her
eyes. It was a touch she had dreamed of,
yearned for, and yet it was sinful, not only because it was in itself a sin, but
she was believed to be his sister. God
had allowed her that deceit, she must honor his will. Yet these were not the imagined hands of a
lordly husband. These were the warm
hands of his living brother, and she closed her eyes. He pulled her close and laid his cheek
against her belly and her hands, slowly, with reservation found their way to
his dark curling hair. He drew her onto
the bed, on top of him, and pushed her hair aside. He gazed into her face, though neither could
see well, it was well enough to see the perfection in the other’s face and
form.
Overwhelmed,
she sighed and pulled back.
“Where
are you going,” he said. “You pull away
and all the warmth between us goes cold again.
It’s taken weeks to get here.
Don’t leave now. Give me something.”
“There
is nothing in power to give you,” she said miserably.
“Give
me yourself.”
“It
would be a grave sin,” she said quickly.
“I must go back to my room.”
“Stay,”
he said.
“I am a
guest here, and you as well. How can we
dishonor our host by such things under his roof?”
“A kiss
then.”
He
leaned up, his tunic falling open, so that in silhouette she saw the shape of
his chest, softly mounded under a firm nipple.
He reached out toward her, but though she hungered, she withdrew.
“I
cannot. We are kin now, siblings.”
“A
brother and sister might kiss, beautiful one, without incurring sin.”
“Not as
you would kiss me.” She said miserably.
“Or
you, I,” he retorted hotly. She slipped
from his hold and to the door. From
there she could hear the cock crowing.
He threw himself back on the bed with a sigh.
“Morning
is come,” she said. He leaped from the
bed and took her in his arms.
“One
kiss, then,” he said. “One, and I’ll not
ask for more tonight.”
She
closed her eyes and he pressed his mouth against hers, filling it with such
sweetness as she had never dreamed possible.
Her fingers found his shoulders, pressed into the mass of hard muscles
surrounded by scant softness, and down his arms, feeling the cording of
strength move under her touch as he fondled her. Her senses were filled with him, the sight of
his form, his taste and smell and the sensation of his limbs against her, of
his heat, the sound of his breath, of the insistent mews and gasps that escaped
his body in his desire, to which her own were added.
He
turned his back to the bed and tried to draw her to it again, but she slowly,
gently pushed back on his chset. “Don’t go,” he said.
“I
must,” she whispered. “Day has
arrived. There will be servants abroad.”
“Stay,”
he said again, and she closed her eyes, moved to follow his word. But she would be all undone then, either
guilty of incest or fraud.
“I must
go,” she said and slipped through the dining hall to her upstairs room. She repeated the words over and over to herself,
“I must go, I must go,” until she realized they were truth. She must go.
She must leave this house before either the truth was discovered or she
sinned yet further.
She
roused Philomena. “We must leave. Today.”
“Why?”
“He is
too close for comfort. He would woo me
himself, knowing or thinking I am his brother’s own wife.”
Philomena
started from the bed and dragged the brush through her hair, braiding it
quickly. She went to the casement and
threw open the window. “Alas, sister,”
she said. “Look.”
Honoria sped to the window.
There was snow falling. It had
been falling all night, by the looks of it, for it stood halfway to the knees
of the men who were shovelling it from the path. Honoria covered her
hands with her face.
“’Tis
nearly spring. How is this possible?”
Philomena
shrugged. “I know not,” she said.
“We
must fly from here as soon as possible.
There isn’t any other way. He
will know that I am a fraud or a woman without morals. Oh, Philomena, if he tempts me to see if I
will fail, he will have be turned over to the church and I will find my reward
in death at the hands of the church I have loved so well.”
“You
think he is doing this to trap you?”
“Ohhhh, I can but guess,” she groaned.
There
was a rap on the door. “Will you come to
break the fast, miladies?” the serving woman asked.
“We
will stay here,” she said quickly. “I am
not feeling well this morning.”
“We
cannot stay in the room forever,” Philomena said practically. “I shall go eat and you shall suffer in
silence.”
“Don’t
leave me,” Honoria begged, but Philomena pushed her
hands away gently.
“I will
bring you something. Lay down and rest.”
Honoria threw herself on the bed, but could not close her
eyes. She stared up into the coffered
ceiling without managing a coherent thought.
There was another small scratch on the door and she sat up, her hair all
awry. What did it matter? “Yes?” she said timidly. The door swung open a bit and he stepped in,
fully dressed and freshly shaved.
“Oh,
you,” she gasped, holding the sheet up in front of her. She was still in her night clothes, her hair
undone. He crossed to her bed in an
instant and had her in his arms. He
pressed his face into her throat and she let her head drop back, half giddy
with the sensation. She wanted his
mouth, wanted to feel that hitherto unfamiliar feeling again. It seemed so natural, like the attraction
between a magnet and a piece of iron.
She nuzzled at his cheek until he turned his mouth, panting to hers, and
she felt his lips and tongue united with hers, as if they had always been meant
to be together like this. Dizzy, she lay back on the bed and he followed,
slipped on top of her. She felt him
pressed against her, his weight a welcome thing. She opened her lips to him again and savored
him, her hands running down his doubletted back.
‘I want
you,” he said simply.
She
moaned. “We cannot be together. Brother…my love, I must leave here.”
“Not
that,” he said. “Why?”
“Because
this temptation is too great. Because I
cannot sin like this. I am your
brother’s wife.”
He was
pressing against her, moving his hips against her in a way that made lightening
heat flow through her body.
“I
don’t care,” he said, almost petulantly.
“I don’t care who you are. I want
you.”
“Then I
must leave to keep you from this sin.”
He rose
quickly and threw himself toward the door and shot the latch. He turned back to her, his face dark, his
eyes brilliant with desire.
“Lie
with me.”
“I
cannot,” she begged. “I cannot.”
“Please,”
he crossed to her again, sat beside her and stroked her hair. “I will wed you.”
She
drew back and clutched the blankets again.
“You
cannot. It would be a sin,” she
repeated. He kissed her deeply and she
melted in his arms. “Oh, my lord. Would that you could.”
“We
will go from this place together, then,” he said. “We will find some country parson who will
marry us and we will be husband and wife forever. These last weeks with you
have proved to me that I will not find a woman to excel you in beauty, in
wisdom, in modesty. I want only you.”
Tears
sprang to her eyes, down her cheeks and onto the blanket. “Oh, if only…”
‘If
only what,” he whispered. He took her
chin in his hand and traced kisses around her mouth.
“If
only things were not as they are.”
“Do you
trust me? If I promise to wed you at the
first opportunity will you give me what I want?”
“If you
were to marry me I would give you everything,”
“Give
it to me now,” he sighed. “On my
promise.”
She
laughed a little and looked into his face.
“Oh, how many a girl has laid in bed alone and wept for the broken vows
of men? If all was as it could be, I
should still have you married to me first.
But, we cannot.”
“Why,”
he kissed her deeply again, his hands slipping down her throat and across her
chest to find her warm, smallish breast.
His
fingers sent waves of sensation through her body and she welcomed him to her
again. She could feel the tautness of
his body, the animal hardness of him. “I will send for a priest,” he said. “I will wed you this morning.”
She
slapped the bedding. “You cannot. I am your brother’s wife.”
“I will
send for the priest and he will marry us in secret.”
“It is
not enough. In the eyes of God, there
will be a sin more horrid than many others. Our marriage will be unfavorable if
we do persist in this.”
“You
surely don’t believe that,” he said bitterly. “Wait here,” he added, and
slipped from the room. He returned in a
few minutes. “I have sent for a friar
from the monastery. He will not know
either of us.”
“I
still will not marry you,” she said.
“You are still my brother. What
will you give him a false name?”
“I will
not,” he said simply. She sat up, and he
slipped behind her and ran his hands smoothly down her front. She was awash in conflicting feelings, terrified
at the risk she was taking but excited by his nearness.
“Then
if you will not, what…”
“I will
tell him that I am ().”
“Who?”
“(),”
he kissed her shoulders, her collarbone.
“Who is
that?” she asked.
“It is
I,” he said quickly. She arched her back,
pushing against his hand.
“I
don’t understand,” she said.
“Do you
love me?” he asked.
“Yes,
yes. I do,” she said miserbly.
“Do you
love me because I am a titled gentleman or because you love me?”
“Because
I love you,” she said quickly. “And what
rank your dear self holds is not of consequence to me.”
“Then
you must hear me out. There isn’t a sin
in our relations.”
She
sighed. “You know that there is.”
“I know
that there is not.”
“You
are my brother,” she argued.
“I am
not.”
“Fine. You are the brother of my husband.”
“I am
not that either.”
She sat
still, suddenly awash in a new terror.
“What did you say?” He was a
clever one. He had manipulated her into
the clinches, and now she was caught.
:”I am
neither brother nor brother in law to you.
We are not related in any way, not by blood or marriage.”
She
closed her eyes slowly and wondered how long she would have to live after he
revealed her secret to the world. She
felt hot weary tears in her eyes. It was
just as well. The deceit had worn on
her. Too many lies, too much
fabrication. His hands were suddenly on
hers again, and she opened her eyes.
“I
swear to you, I’ll make it right,” he whispered. “Have faith in me and we’ll manage
somehow. I’m sorry. It wasn’t my intention that it should go like
this. It got out of hand, and I couldn’t
quit. It was like it took on a life of
its own.”
“What
are you talking about?” she whispered.
He was quiet for a moment.
“Can I
trust you?”
“Yes,
of course,” she said quickly.
“I…lied
to you. To everyone. I am not the brother of (), nor his cousin,
nor his nephew, nor any other relation of his.
I grew up around him, my father worked for his father. He was a laborer actually. I met him a few years ago and somehow he took
a fancy to me. We were close friends for
a while, when we were but boys. I knew
him well and was welcomed into his circle.
I would have gone with him on campaign, too, had I not fallen from a
horse and injured myself badly enough that I couldn’t go.”
“You
are not kin to him?” she asked incredulously.
“I am
not. When he left, I was thrown out of
the household. Not for any wrongdoing,
but there wasn’t much of a purpose to keeping me. I had acquired manners and some education and
a little property in the way of gifts, which I quickly had to sell off to
live. Obviously, a laborer’s son who has
grown accustomed to a better life is not going to return easily to life behind
an oxen.”
He
pressed her hands against his face. “I
went far enough from their seat that I wouldn’t be recognized and yet the name would be well known, and began to pass
myself off as his brother. It wasn’t all
that difficult actually. I was in a
number of places, but this one seemed most hospitable. I have lived off this poor gentleman now for
months.” He fell silent. “Will you keep my secret? For surely I will swing if you reveal
it. But from the first moment I saw you,
I knew that I wanted you above all over all other women in the world. You were but a peasant too, and came to know him,
though, in truth, I don’t see how you could have enchanted him unless he had a
great change of character whilst he was gone.”
He wove his fingers through hers.
“I know you are a lady of virtue.
I knew that from the start. If we
are not brother and sister, can you marry me?”
She sat silent for a moment. She could almost feel herself telling him
that she, too had lied, but hesitated.
He had relieved her of the burden of relatedness. She could have him and retain her piety. She reached out for him and drew his head to
her chest. “Can you forgive me? Can you forgive me for lying to you? For deceiving you? I swear by all that is holy I will never lie
to you again,” he whispered hoarsely.
“Yes,
my love,” she whispered back. “Yes. I forgive you. I do forgive.”